So I've recently decided (although I've suspected for a while) that I'm selfish...and I'm okay with that.
I have two dogs, and taking care of two dogs is more work than not having any, especially with mermaiding, crafting, and starbucking, as well as being a wife from a far, and sole charge of the house.
I would love to have children. Hopefully someday maybe we will have children. Jeremy will make a great dad, I think I'd make if not a good mom, then at least an interesting one. However I'm not ready to give up my late nights with my girl friends, and quiet time when I need it, the ability to sleep in as long or as little as I'd like (spare from work). I'm selfish in that I want to mermaid until I'm sure that my toes will never be the same (I already have some permanent scaring). I want to be able to spend more time with my husband before sharing him and our time with someone else, who will need more than I will sometimes feel I am capable of giving.
I don't know all that is involved in being a mom, I'm not sure all moms do, but I know that it takes selflessness, and time, and courage, and the understanding that life will never be the same. We are in Hawaii and have the ability to travel (as long as we can get a pet sitter), having dogs has taught me a lot, and one of them is that I'm not ready yet for kids. Arranging for someone to let the dogs out is hard enough sometimes, but child care, and not working, or working part time is a huge obstacle. When you have kids they become the third most important thing in your life (after God and husband...still working on my priorities...still haven't gotten that down yet). I want to be able to keep living relatively care free, and if that makes me selfish than so be it. I'm okay with waiting, sometimes I see a ridiculously cute baby and I wish and pray that I'm pregnant and then I see a crazy-on-crack baby (Not actually a crack baby, but just a loud screaming baby), and then I tell Jer we are waiting another 10 years. :-)
Many people are supportive of Jeremy and me and whatever we decide, but I recently came to this understanding, and I think it's a valid representation of how I feel, and not a bad thing at all. I would love to have children right now, we are relatively financially able to have children (are you ever really ready?), and we are stable in our marriage, but it comes down to the fact that I'm not done having fun and being able to do things on my own time schedule.
Disclaimer: I have many friends who have children and have amazing lives, and do tons of cool things. Just for me at the moment, there are still many things I want to do before having children and focusing on raising a little one with as much glitter and awesomeness and fairy/mermaid skills as possible.
Just thought I'd share,
Love,
The selfish one who will eventually raise children in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and delicious food and crafts.
