It's been a while since I've written but this is the first morning in a month or so that I've had my head on straight and can think and breath. December was a whirlwind of tears, work, crafts, tears, Riesling, girl's nights, and more work, and occasionally sleep. It was so bad that I didn't have A. Time, or B. the Will to put up my Christmas tree until Christmas Eve-Eve, now that it's up, it's staying up because I forgot how pretty it is. I'll take it down in March when he gets home. On a scale of one to ten, it was not a great month. Everything that I had been putting off because Jeremy is gone, or thinking that I could do but can't, came to a head in December.
I'll number it up for you,
37 hours at Starbucks each week (except for this past week, which I only worked 25 and am very grateful for)
20 Christmas craft orders (signs and shoes)
5 mermaid gigs
2 dogs
1 house, and me.
It added up fast, and definitely got the best of me. I'm one of those people who hate asking for help, asking for help means you are weak, you can't do what you say you were going to do, you procrastinated, or you are not perfect. I kept answering, "I'm doing great, things are fine" when people asked me about the deployment and life when in truth they were not. Eventually it caught up with me, and when my best friend Dee asked and came over I just broke down. She gave me some advice and helped me out. My other close friend Beth let her daughters come over when I was working 8 hour shifts to let the dogs out and play with them so I didn't have to worry about them tearing up the house, Angie, (who I'm pretty sure is an angel in human form) invited me over for Christmas Eve and Christmas, and has made me feel so loved with her family, and even got my boys a couple toys for Christmas. I even found a prayer partner after praying for one for quite a few months, we are getting together now that the holidays are over because December I couldn't think straight. Without my close Hawaii Ohana here, it would be a very different situation now. Once I asked for help, it was given and I was able to step back and rearrange important things.
I was also thinking about how in the Bible or just through pastors they tell you that God never gives you more than you can handle, which I think is total codswallop. If he never gave you more than you could handle then why would you ever need to rely on him, or go to him for comfort and love? It would completely reduce why God is in our lives. So I keep remembering that, that I'm not supposed to do it on my own, and I notice that when I pray in the morning and get my God time in that things just go a little smoother that day. :-) One step at a time right?
Deployments, TDY's, assignments and more are difficult and hard. Whether it's 1 week or 1 year, or God forbid 18 months (yay not being in the army and so only having a year the longest possible TDY), it'll take a toll on the family, and life. I'm growing as a person since Jeremy is gone, I've learned to ask for help when I need it, I've learned to incorporate God into my life as not a prayer, or a Bible reading time, but as something I can consistently lean back on, and I've learned to multitask (sometimes too much multitasking).
January is going to be a solid month, my family is coming, I have less hours at work, and I don't have 2943894389 Christmas orders. PLUS, only two months till the love of my life is home.
I'm looking forward to it, you forget how much you rely on your spouse and the parts about them that make you who you are, and help to bounce ideas off of, and encourage you. I'm a very blessed wife to have married the man that I did, and I'm excited for him to come back in March to make our marriage even stronger than before.
To living life one step at a time, and asking for help,
Love,
Amber Jane
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
I'm selfish and I'm okay with that.
So I've recently decided (although I've suspected for a while) that I'm selfish...and I'm okay with that.
I have two dogs, and taking care of two dogs is more work than not having any, especially with mermaiding, crafting, and starbucking, as well as being a wife from a far, and sole charge of the house.
I would love to have children. Hopefully someday maybe we will have children. Jeremy will make a great dad, I think I'd make if not a good mom, then at least an interesting one. However I'm not ready to give up my late nights with my girl friends, and quiet time when I need it, the ability to sleep in as long or as little as I'd like (spare from work). I'm selfish in that I want to mermaid until I'm sure that my toes will never be the same (I already have some permanent scaring). I want to be able to spend more time with my husband before sharing him and our time with someone else, who will need more than I will sometimes feel I am capable of giving.
I don't know all that is involved in being a mom, I'm not sure all moms do, but I know that it takes selflessness, and time, and courage, and the understanding that life will never be the same. We are in Hawaii and have the ability to travel (as long as we can get a pet sitter), having dogs has taught me a lot, and one of them is that I'm not ready yet for kids. Arranging for someone to let the dogs out is hard enough sometimes, but child care, and not working, or working part time is a huge obstacle. When you have kids they become the third most important thing in your life (after God and husband...still working on my priorities...still haven't gotten that down yet). I want to be able to keep living relatively care free, and if that makes me selfish than so be it. I'm okay with waiting, sometimes I see a ridiculously cute baby and I wish and pray that I'm pregnant and then I see a crazy-on-crack baby (Not actually a crack baby, but just a loud screaming baby), and then I tell Jer we are waiting another 10 years. :-)
Many people are supportive of Jeremy and me and whatever we decide, but I recently came to this understanding, and I think it's a valid representation of how I feel, and not a bad thing at all. I would love to have children right now, we are relatively financially able to have children (are you ever really ready?), and we are stable in our marriage, but it comes down to the fact that I'm not done having fun and being able to do things on my own time schedule.
Disclaimer: I have many friends who have children and have amazing lives, and do tons of cool things. Just for me at the moment, there are still many things I want to do before having children and focusing on raising a little one with as much glitter and awesomeness and fairy/mermaid skills as possible.
Just thought I'd share,
Love,
The selfish one who will eventually raise children in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and delicious food and crafts.
I have two dogs, and taking care of two dogs is more work than not having any, especially with mermaiding, crafting, and starbucking, as well as being a wife from a far, and sole charge of the house.
I would love to have children. Hopefully someday maybe we will have children. Jeremy will make a great dad, I think I'd make if not a good mom, then at least an interesting one. However I'm not ready to give up my late nights with my girl friends, and quiet time when I need it, the ability to sleep in as long or as little as I'd like (spare from work). I'm selfish in that I want to mermaid until I'm sure that my toes will never be the same (I already have some permanent scaring). I want to be able to spend more time with my husband before sharing him and our time with someone else, who will need more than I will sometimes feel I am capable of giving.
I don't know all that is involved in being a mom, I'm not sure all moms do, but I know that it takes selflessness, and time, and courage, and the understanding that life will never be the same. We are in Hawaii and have the ability to travel (as long as we can get a pet sitter), having dogs has taught me a lot, and one of them is that I'm not ready yet for kids. Arranging for someone to let the dogs out is hard enough sometimes, but child care, and not working, or working part time is a huge obstacle. When you have kids they become the third most important thing in your life (after God and husband...still working on my priorities...still haven't gotten that down yet). I want to be able to keep living relatively care free, and if that makes me selfish than so be it. I'm okay with waiting, sometimes I see a ridiculously cute baby and I wish and pray that I'm pregnant and then I see a crazy-on-crack baby (Not actually a crack baby, but just a loud screaming baby), and then I tell Jer we are waiting another 10 years. :-)
Many people are supportive of Jeremy and me and whatever we decide, but I recently came to this understanding, and I think it's a valid representation of how I feel, and not a bad thing at all. I would love to have children right now, we are relatively financially able to have children (are you ever really ready?), and we are stable in our marriage, but it comes down to the fact that I'm not done having fun and being able to do things on my own time schedule.
Disclaimer: I have many friends who have children and have amazing lives, and do tons of cool things. Just for me at the moment, there are still many things I want to do before having children and focusing on raising a little one with as much glitter and awesomeness and fairy/mermaid skills as possible.
Just thought I'd share,
Love,
The selfish one who will eventually raise children in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and delicious food and crafts.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Day 3 of Deployment
This is my first deployment. I don't count Basic or Tech School because I was travelling and always doing things. I am in a house, with my two dogs. Crafting, working, eating, and sleeping.
I don't know how this deployment is going to go, and I'm nervous.
I don't know what I'm going to find out about myself and my new skills I'll need to cultivate.
I don't know what he is going to experience over there.
I'm not sure I know how I'm processing. At the current moment I feel a little numb which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it is strange thinking that he's going to come home, or I'm going to come home to him and him not being here. I also have to remember to get someone to walk the dogs while I'm at work, which is important, our carpet is not their bathroom. :)
Prayers for the Smit family will be greatly appreciated. It's a short deployment, and for that I feel quite blessed.. I'm not really looking forward to the holidays except for the fact that no husband in the house means I can put up my Christmas tree whenever I want, and keep it up for as long as I want. (Grandma you did not read that). EDIT: (I have been invited to like 4 different Christmas' around Hawaii, so I will be doing something positive and with people that day, so no worries). But I'm looking into some cool holiday activities to give back and serve, I might also get roped into working since he's gone. I'm not sure, so we'll see how everything rolls out. I have really amazing friends, and they are awesome, and I have a great church as well here. Plus with my new starbucks job I'll be staying busy. All those drinks are really hard to memorize, but I really like working there, I had to taste like 10 different drinks the other day, I named my Frappachino baby 'Charlie' :-)
Today I am cleaning and working on more signs and studying for my barista exam, I also woke up a little late to go to my favorite church...but they do live STREAM! So, I'm going to 'church' in my PJ's today.
That's pretty much it at the moment, weather is nice, there was an awesome thunderstorm the other day, and my hair is growing out, I can put the lower half in a super small pony tail....good feeling.
Love you all,
Aj
I don't know how this deployment is going to go, and I'm nervous.
I don't know what I'm going to find out about myself and my new skills I'll need to cultivate.
I don't know what he is going to experience over there.
I'm not sure I know how I'm processing. At the current moment I feel a little numb which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it is strange thinking that he's going to come home, or I'm going to come home to him and him not being here. I also have to remember to get someone to walk the dogs while I'm at work, which is important, our carpet is not their bathroom. :)
Prayers for the Smit family will be greatly appreciated. It's a short deployment, and for that I feel quite blessed.. I'm not really looking forward to the holidays except for the fact that no husband in the house means I can put up my Christmas tree whenever I want, and keep it up for as long as I want. (Grandma you did not read that). EDIT: (I have been invited to like 4 different Christmas' around Hawaii, so I will be doing something positive and with people that day, so no worries). But I'm looking into some cool holiday activities to give back and serve, I might also get roped into working since he's gone. I'm not sure, so we'll see how everything rolls out. I have really amazing friends, and they are awesome, and I have a great church as well here. Plus with my new starbucks job I'll be staying busy. All those drinks are really hard to memorize, but I really like working there, I had to taste like 10 different drinks the other day, I named my Frappachino baby 'Charlie' :-)
Today I am cleaning and working on more signs and studying for my barista exam, I also woke up a little late to go to my favorite church...but they do live STREAM! So, I'm going to 'church' in my PJ's today.
That's pretty much it at the moment, weather is nice, there was an awesome thunderstorm the other day, and my hair is growing out, I can put the lower half in a super small pony tail....good feeling.
Love you all,
Aj
Friday, October 11, 2013
New Tail and update!
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| Me in my new tail, and Mermaid Storm in my old one! |
Sorry, it's been a while.
I've been working on quite a few things.
1. Mermaid Parties, I've been doing about 4-6 a month, and so it's going really well, and word is spreading, and it's just a blast. Especially when they feel your tail and are like, 'You ARE REAL!!' Super cool. Love what I do.
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| Photoshoot in my new tail with Brandy Britton Photography. |
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| First photoshoot in new tail and mertop with Saphire Memories |
4. Create new dishes for dinner and just generally be a better kick butt wife. Things I made for the first time in September: Burgers, Chili, chicken and zucchini rollatini, GOOD potato soup (I always screw it up) and more. It's delish. I found this website called, www.skinnytaste.com it is filled with AMAZING recipies that taste amazing and they are easy. My fav.
5. My new job as a barista at Starbucks (super stoked). The people there are amazing and I love what Starbucks stands for...and I get a good discount....:-)6. Spending time with the hubby, and prepping for the next couple months to come with me and the dogs.
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| With Brandy again. Super cool. |
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| One of my favorites. |
8. Reading! I've been reading Onward by Howard the ceo of Starbucks, quite good, you should read it.
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| Headshot we used!! |
That is pretty much it for now, I have three parties this weekend, a surprise appearance at Hickam Beach tomorrow, and a giant friend group date with 6 couples tomorrow. It's going to be a great weekend, right after I run a couple errands today. :-)Love you all,
Just keep swimming,
(PS. Little Mermaid just came out on Blu-Ray, and they are making a Finding Nemo 2, called Finding Dory, just thought you should know)
Aj
Also, my friend redid my website, check it out, (click on the purple address below) and tell me what you think! www.mermaidharmony.com
Monday, August 19, 2013
Learning by the quiet.
Disclaimer: I have had tons of fun on the mainland and have lots of stories and pictures to show, but that's not what this post is, I'll do that one tomorrow, this post is a little more serious.:: End Disclaimer
So, lately I've felt off in my walk with God, I felt off a little in Hawaii even though it's like the first place Jeremy and I have ever truly belonged as a couple, everything has fit right into place and I am so beyond happy in Hawaii. One of the reasons Jeremy and I married in college (which lately everyone has pointed out was quite young, I don't argue but we had reasons that made sense for us) was so we could understand how to live together and work together efficiently as a couple before we had to go out into the real world, now that we are in the real world I am so thankful for those first two years of marriage in college that we had to figure out different things, like that I don't mind vacuuming, or walking the dogs, but dishes and clothes are like mosquitoes, and do matter how many times you swat them they keep coming back.
Since we settled in Hawaii, and everything else is going good I've been wanting to grow in my faith, I've been searching for more, if you don't know me, and most you do, know that if I'm going to do something I'm going to do it full out, no half-sies, no mulligans, do it right the first time. My walk with God has seemed stagnant, this is partially caused by my priorities going everywhere and not fitting in quiet time, and not putting near enough effort into my faith. So today I talked with an amazing woman of God and we chatted about life and God and it was really good, healing for my soul. Sometimes I feel as though I screw up so much or come to God with questions or doubts, and a "I understand you are real, but what about _________" that I he'll eventually say 'Aj, I'm over it, I'm over you, you're done, and I'm revoking your "Christian Pass", or that he'll slam down the hammer and set me straight. I'm not sure where I get this idea from, perhaps from the media's view of a God that is all fire and brimstone (don't even get me started about TV shows that have Christians, what ever happened to a normal Christian, you always have normal Buddists, and Jews, but what about normal every day Christians? Not all of us are crazy right wing, "believe in God or feel the wrath of God immediately people") Perhaps I have listened to the 'Media Christian' too much and feel like God is going to strike me with a thunderbolt, (is that too Greek Zeus-ish?), better stick with fireball.
For some there comes a time where they question their faith, this has never been a concept for me to grasp as the church and content of my Christian life from a young age has been chalk full of miracles, and amazing things that God has done, and terrifying things that both my brother and I have seen from the other side of things. We know it's real, we know God's real.
That's not the question, it's how to live with God's presence with you all the time. How do you get there? Is there a rain dance you have to do? (I'm a good dancer, I could learn that quickly and I would actually prefer that to atoning for every sin I've done for the last 5 months, that would be a lot of Hail Mary's, although I would if that was the answer). Is it after you read the Bible for the 15th time? (I'm not even all the way through, I've got some work to do). When you think about it in big picture words I just feel flat out unworthy. It's hard to think of yourself as a princess or bride of Christ when you just did something you know you weren't supposed to, or thought bad thoughts. I feel more like the kitchen cook of the castle. How do you begin to start that intimacy with Christ, and how do you share your heart when you don't even understand it? This is what I've been searching and struggling with, and today I realized that although you don't always hear God, he's here, he heard me pour out my soul to my friend/mentor, and still accepts me, I also need to accept me. No hate from Him, however I know there is more. And I realized that I'm not ready yet, I need to prepare my heart and soul, strip away the excess, how many lies do we believe in our lifetime? How many ideas of perfection do we get wrapped up in?
September is for me, going to be a focus month, to shuck down (I love the word shuck, it's just a solid word, very Iowan of me, I know) all the unnecessary things and just listen to God and refocus. I don't know what God has next for my life, but I'm ready to go deeper, I don't know what that will look like, but I do know I don't want to feel like a pretender, I don't want to be stuck in this drudge that is my current walk with God, and I don't want to feel like I'm trying to be this perfect person, I just want to be real, I want do do the dishes because God has called me to love my husband (Acts of service, why couldn't he pick an easier one?) ;-) and I want to read the Bible because I know God will show me a revelation, not because it's something I'm supposed to do and belongs on my chore list. I want to let God lead, and me to follow. I'm not sure all that I want, but I know God does, and if I let go of all these different things that propel me forward and toward who knows what, then I only need to listen to God and Jer, and I know it'll all be alright.
I don't know what's next (God help me), but I think it's going to be really cool, and thought I'd share, because I know I can't be the only one thinking all of this.
Love,
Aj
So, lately I've felt off in my walk with God, I felt off a little in Hawaii even though it's like the first place Jeremy and I have ever truly belonged as a couple, everything has fit right into place and I am so beyond happy in Hawaii. One of the reasons Jeremy and I married in college (which lately everyone has pointed out was quite young, I don't argue but we had reasons that made sense for us) was so we could understand how to live together and work together efficiently as a couple before we had to go out into the real world, now that we are in the real world I am so thankful for those first two years of marriage in college that we had to figure out different things, like that I don't mind vacuuming, or walking the dogs, but dishes and clothes are like mosquitoes, and do matter how many times you swat them they keep coming back.
Since we settled in Hawaii, and everything else is going good I've been wanting to grow in my faith, I've been searching for more, if you don't know me, and most you do, know that if I'm going to do something I'm going to do it full out, no half-sies, no mulligans, do it right the first time. My walk with God has seemed stagnant, this is partially caused by my priorities going everywhere and not fitting in quiet time, and not putting near enough effort into my faith. So today I talked with an amazing woman of God and we chatted about life and God and it was really good, healing for my soul. Sometimes I feel as though I screw up so much or come to God with questions or doubts, and a "I understand you are real, but what about _________" that I he'll eventually say 'Aj, I'm over it, I'm over you, you're done, and I'm revoking your "Christian Pass", or that he'll slam down the hammer and set me straight. I'm not sure where I get this idea from, perhaps from the media's view of a God that is all fire and brimstone (don't even get me started about TV shows that have Christians, what ever happened to a normal Christian, you always have normal Buddists, and Jews, but what about normal every day Christians? Not all of us are crazy right wing, "believe in God or feel the wrath of God immediately people") Perhaps I have listened to the 'Media Christian' too much and feel like God is going to strike me with a thunderbolt, (is that too Greek Zeus-ish?), better stick with fireball.
For some there comes a time where they question their faith, this has never been a concept for me to grasp as the church and content of my Christian life from a young age has been chalk full of miracles, and amazing things that God has done, and terrifying things that both my brother and I have seen from the other side of things. We know it's real, we know God's real.
That's not the question, it's how to live with God's presence with you all the time. How do you get there? Is there a rain dance you have to do? (I'm a good dancer, I could learn that quickly and I would actually prefer that to atoning for every sin I've done for the last 5 months, that would be a lot of Hail Mary's, although I would if that was the answer). Is it after you read the Bible for the 15th time? (I'm not even all the way through, I've got some work to do). When you think about it in big picture words I just feel flat out unworthy. It's hard to think of yourself as a princess or bride of Christ when you just did something you know you weren't supposed to, or thought bad thoughts. I feel more like the kitchen cook of the castle. How do you begin to start that intimacy with Christ, and how do you share your heart when you don't even understand it? This is what I've been searching and struggling with, and today I realized that although you don't always hear God, he's here, he heard me pour out my soul to my friend/mentor, and still accepts me, I also need to accept me. No hate from Him, however I know there is more. And I realized that I'm not ready yet, I need to prepare my heart and soul, strip away the excess, how many lies do we believe in our lifetime? How many ideas of perfection do we get wrapped up in?
September is for me, going to be a focus month, to shuck down (I love the word shuck, it's just a solid word, very Iowan of me, I know) all the unnecessary things and just listen to God and refocus. I don't know what God has next for my life, but I'm ready to go deeper, I don't know what that will look like, but I do know I don't want to feel like a pretender, I don't want to be stuck in this drudge that is my current walk with God, and I don't want to feel like I'm trying to be this perfect person, I just want to be real, I want do do the dishes because God has called me to love my husband (Acts of service, why couldn't he pick an easier one?) ;-) and I want to read the Bible because I know God will show me a revelation, not because it's something I'm supposed to do and belongs on my chore list. I want to let God lead, and me to follow. I'm not sure all that I want, but I know God does, and if I let go of all these different things that propel me forward and toward who knows what, then I only need to listen to God and Jer, and I know it'll all be alright.
I don't know what's next (God help me), but I think it's going to be really cool, and thought I'd share, because I know I can't be the only one thinking all of this.
Love,
Aj
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Summer update!
Hi lovelies,
It's been crazy lately. The summer started for the camp I'm working at here, and it's been non stop (yesterday was a 10 hour work day), and when you work with 80 kids for 10 hours, you get kind of tired, and forget to do things like blogging, eating, working out, sleeping, and the like ;-) (just kidding mom, I eat and I sleep).
Mermaiding is going well, I did a photoshoot a while back and received some new pictures which I'll post throughout, that was a fun shoot.(Photos thanks to EP Photography) I also am starting modeling here in Hawaii and have a photoshoot next Sunday for a cool abstract make up piece. Also training as a free diver so I can hold my breath for a long time which can lead to a few things...
1. More ocean cred as a mermaid
2. Better likelyhood at getting hired at an aquarium in the future
3. Better underwater photoshoots
4. The ability to say I can hold my breath for longer than 2 minutes
Pretty excited, and nervous, apparently swam with a shark the other day and didn't know it as I was in my monofin in the ocean, but I didn't die or get eaten, so that's always great. :-) I was kind of terrified of this happening and walked Jeremy through my funeral arrangements to make sure that everything happened the way it's meant to (a few rules, good music, I must either be in a GORGEOUS dress (wedding or blue Miss Iowa) or in a tail (think about it, it'd be awesome and quite fitting, and less black than people always wear, make it a celebration that I had a fantastic life, and tell good stories, I'll be happy in heaven, so no need to be unduly down, you can be sad, I just don't want it to be drudgery and really depressing). See, not bad.
It's PCS season here in Hawaii, which means some of my good friends are leaving, and new friends are coming in. It's strange because I've always been the one to leave, to go to Africa, travel, college, whatever, I've never really had my friends be the one to go first. It's a hard thing to go through, but I'm glad I've had the chance to meet some of these ladies, one of which, Ashley, has drastically impacted my life while here in Hawaii and helped me find all my friends, and whom I adore. She's been a mentor, given great advice, listened, and laughed with me, she also likes Riesling as much as me, so she's a keeper. Oh, and she bought me mermaid soap, which I love. She also has a son who is terrified of my fins but believes I'm his girlfriend. All or nothing bud.
I'm excited to go home in less than a month. I'm excited to see both sides of my family again. I'm excited to see my nephew for the first time, I'm excited to see my friend Megan who'll be 7 months pregnant! I'm excited to go back to camp to see my friends! I'm excited to see my girlfriends from college (who will all be back home for a little while, so that'll be amazing). I'm excited to go to Zombie Burger, Olive Garden, and especially Scratch Cupcakery. It's just going to be awesome, and I'm pretty darn stoked.
The boys are doing well, currently running amok in our living room, I know it sounds odd, but seriously, 2 dogs are WAY easier than having just 1. They play with each other and it's less stress on me than having Cosmo go, "mom, play, let's play, let's play, play with me" all day long. A good friend of mine is watching them for us while we come back to the states,they'll be happy there so that's always a good thing. Other than that not much is new, I registered as a business in Hawaii as "Mermaid Harmony" and so that's working through the system and got my EIN, so I'm super official now! Also in September I'll be expanding Mermaid Harmony to have a back up mergirl (one of my friends Kristen) and some extra mertenders, and hopefully two more tails (one for me and one for Kristen) my friend Billy makes tails, so we're working together to make it, but it looks like they'll be done in the fall. Which is okay because I'm busier than a bee in a flower garden.
We started growing plants (read trying to grow plants)...they are okay, random flowers in Hawaii, my thumb isn't very green but we're trying!
Oh yeah, and I cut my hair. It wasn't taking any dye because of the peroxide used a while ago, and it was dead from all the swimming, so I chopped it. This time around less dye, and no more blonde :-/
It's been crazy lately. The summer started for the camp I'm working at here, and it's been non stop (yesterday was a 10 hour work day), and when you work with 80 kids for 10 hours, you get kind of tired, and forget to do things like blogging, eating, working out, sleeping, and the like ;-) (just kidding mom, I eat and I sleep).Mermaiding is going well, I did a photoshoot a while back and received some new pictures which I'll post throughout, that was a fun shoot.(Photos thanks to EP Photography) I also am starting modeling here in Hawaii and have a photoshoot next Sunday for a cool abstract make up piece. Also training as a free diver so I can hold my breath for a long time which can lead to a few things...
1. More ocean cred as a mermaid
2. Better likelyhood at getting hired at an aquarium in the future
3. Better underwater photoshoots
4. The ability to say I can hold my breath for longer than 2 minutes
It's PCS season here in Hawaii, which means some of my good friends are leaving, and new friends are coming in. It's strange because I've always been the one to leave, to go to Africa, travel, college, whatever, I've never really had my friends be the one to go first. It's a hard thing to go through, but I'm glad I've had the chance to meet some of these ladies, one of which, Ashley, has drastically impacted my life while here in Hawaii and helped me find all my friends, and whom I adore. She's been a mentor, given great advice, listened, and laughed with me, she also likes Riesling as much as me, so she's a keeper. Oh, and she bought me mermaid soap, which I love. She also has a son who is terrified of my fins but believes I'm his girlfriend. All or nothing bud.
I'm excited to go home in less than a month. I'm excited to see both sides of my family again. I'm excited to see my nephew for the first time, I'm excited to see my friend Megan who'll be 7 months pregnant! I'm excited to go back to camp to see my friends! I'm excited to see my girlfriends from college (who will all be back home for a little while, so that'll be amazing). I'm excited to go to Zombie Burger, Olive Garden, and especially Scratch Cupcakery. It's just going to be awesome, and I'm pretty darn stoked.
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| Radagast is on the left, Cosmo, Jer and I are on the right. |
We started growing plants (read trying to grow plants)...they are okay, random flowers in Hawaii, my thumb isn't very green but we're trying!
 |
| Bye Bye long blonde hair. |
 |
| The front |
So that's pretty much it for now, I'll try to post again more often, I hope you are enjoying your day and your Summer, can you believe Summer is almost over!?
Love you all, see many of you soon,
Am
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
A story I felt I needed to post.
Dear Family and Friends:
I have no idea who needs to hear this story. I don't know if they'll hear it today, tomorrow or in 5 years, but I woke up this morning with an intense need to write this story in my blog, and usually if it's an intense need I figure it probably comes from God (unless it's that intense need to sit out of cardio kick boxing, then I know that's just me being lazy)
It's not a sad story by any means, but it might help someone else.
*Disclaimer: I talk about weight, food, and how they have affected my life, this isn't saying my journey is better or worse than anyone elses, I just felt the need to share*
As you go through life your body adjusts in ways to correct itself, to keep going. You hear of the child who spent 5 hours in frigid water, but is still alive, the lady who didn't eat anything for weeks and stayed alive, you get the idea. My story is nothing to those extremes (although, one wonders if it's lacking something, as it seems some of the best stories have an arc as big as the on in st. louis). Growing up I passed out, all the time. It started in 5th grade at our track and field meet, it was my last run and as I was going around the track everything started going fuzzy and black and then all of a sudden I woke up on the ground. Had no idea how I got there, but I was surrounded by people checking to make sure I was okay. (Apparently my heart stopped for a minute as well, but that's another story).
We went to the doctor and he said I was just growing too fast for my body, over the next 6 years this continued, even leading to me eating extra snacks during different classes in high school so I wouldn't pass out after school at dance team practice, or show choir practice, or one of the hundred different groups I was involved in. I thought I was hypoglycemic, I was tested for diabetes, and other things. I'd call it the fades, everything would fade out a little bit over a period of two minutes, it made sense. I just thought it was the way my body worked. I passed out easily, my mom had when she was younger, so I just tried to focus, and knew when I started blacking out, that I'd need to sit down for a bit. I'd be in the middle of important presentations and take a knee, "I called it getting serious and on their level" in reality I couldn't see the audience and if I didn't take a knee I'd be on the floor...but on my back. This got worse at the end of my junior year when I realized I was allergic to milk and eggs, so I stopped eating as much, because everything I ate, made me severely sick, so I ate like a bird, a little bit of banana, a little bit of bread. On the other hand, I lost a good deal of weight, about 15 pounds in a summer, I went from 128, to about 115, and was getting compliments left and right about how good I looked, even though I felt terrible.
Getting those compliments became a backhanded compliment, I knew it's not what I normally looked like, so I appreciated the extra love, but it also gave me an intense desire to keep my weight down. In college when I left home I was able to take my food into my own hands, I always ate, but I didn't eat much, and with how much I was doing in college, the fades happened just as often. I figured it was just a part of life. I struggled that year with my weight as I figured out what I could eat, then I could eat more of it, I never skipped a meal, but I ate like a bird, this time on purpose. With help from my friends and family at college I became much better at eating, (I also had to refocus my mind that I could eat more things, and that I wasn't restricted like before) I put on a few pounds, which helped somewhat with the fades.
I married the love of my life in August 2009, and we moved in together, we started making our own food so I ate more often, and had less near pass out experiences, (unless I didn't drink enough water before dance practice, but those are my fault). We ate a lot of cereal, sandwiches and chicken helper (heck, we still do), and I hit my highest 140 lbs, I felt awkward and strange, after being 115 at one point, and now having the extra weight, I didn't feel right. After college we moved around, and then came to Hawaii for the Air Force, I met some ladies here in a group called "Change Your Life", I weighed 134, which is about average for someone my height. I joined CYL because 1. I wanted to eat better, and 2. I wanted to look better in my tail and tone up. They have us join a site called myfitnesspal.com what I found shocked me. I'm a fairly active person when I'm actually on the go, what I found out was that I was running on 300 calories a day. Your body is supposed to run on about 1,200-2,000 depending on a few things. After talking to my nutritionist, we agreed on 1,200, but I was a little below that.
Here's the kicker, I had no idea. I wasn't losing any weight, but I had a consistent case of the fades, especially when I'd work with kids all day, and I just felt lethargic. I found out that I was eating about 700-1000 calories a day, but I would also do Zumba and a walk at night. Zumba burns about 600 calories, and the walks I do would burn about 150. Do the math. You know that song, "Running on Empty"...yeah. What you are actually supposed to do is eat back what you burn, through a snack, protein shake, chicken, etc. So that your body burns what you eat, and runs on the rest. When you run on 300-500 calories or less a day you are putting your body into starvation mode, which leads to sometimes weight gain, lethargy, the fades, and other symptoms. I had thought it was the way I just was by nature, or that I wasn't getting enough sleep, I was eating a bunch (so I had thought), but my body needed more.
I am not anorexic, ask anyone, I love my food, especially my girl scout thin mints. For the past two weeks I have been on myfitnesspal.com if you want to friend me on it, my id is AmberRoseJane I have ate more in one day than I could think possible, I've kept my fairly same portions, but I have 4 times more snacks, vegetables, fruits, and meats, and balance out my workouts with food. I have also lost 6 pounds, which is exciting for me, because then I look a little better in my tail. The difference here, is that I'm toning up, and doing it in a healthy way, once I started eating MORE (who'd have thought) my body's metabolism started back up and I about hit the weight that someone my size as a moderately active person should be at.
I'm not posting this to point out, Oh Aj lost weight, or anything like that, but that sometimes when you have symptoms even for YEARS, it could be your body telling you something is wrong, I had no idea, I ate all of the time, but I was not eating enough, and my body was suffering the consequences. I thought counting calories was ridiculous for the longest time, I made food at my house, and just told friends to add 1,000 (not nice I know), but now that I'm aware of calories (not counting every single one, but most of them) my life has taken a 180, I have more energy, I'm up at like 7 am every morning just because I'm ready to go, I'm not passing out, or having the fades, I'm toned up, and I feel fantastic.
I do NOT like the super health food every calorie counts be super on top of it idea, however I had no idea that just being aware like I am now could change my life as much as it has. I encourage you to love on those around you today. You could have no idea if their bodies are sending them clues, or if they are struggling with something like food, or emotions. I hope this has helped someone feel less guilty about their food habits, so they can talk to someone, or inspired to check out what their food is doing to them.
Love and blessings,
Aj
I have no idea who needs to hear this story. I don't know if they'll hear it today, tomorrow or in 5 years, but I woke up this morning with an intense need to write this story in my blog, and usually if it's an intense need I figure it probably comes from God (unless it's that intense need to sit out of cardio kick boxing, then I know that's just me being lazy)
It's not a sad story by any means, but it might help someone else.
*Disclaimer: I talk about weight, food, and how they have affected my life, this isn't saying my journey is better or worse than anyone elses, I just felt the need to share*
As you go through life your body adjusts in ways to correct itself, to keep going. You hear of the child who spent 5 hours in frigid water, but is still alive, the lady who didn't eat anything for weeks and stayed alive, you get the idea. My story is nothing to those extremes (although, one wonders if it's lacking something, as it seems some of the best stories have an arc as big as the on in st. louis). Growing up I passed out, all the time. It started in 5th grade at our track and field meet, it was my last run and as I was going around the track everything started going fuzzy and black and then all of a sudden I woke up on the ground. Had no idea how I got there, but I was surrounded by people checking to make sure I was okay. (Apparently my heart stopped for a minute as well, but that's another story).
We went to the doctor and he said I was just growing too fast for my body, over the next 6 years this continued, even leading to me eating extra snacks during different classes in high school so I wouldn't pass out after school at dance team practice, or show choir practice, or one of the hundred different groups I was involved in. I thought I was hypoglycemic, I was tested for diabetes, and other things. I'd call it the fades, everything would fade out a little bit over a period of two minutes, it made sense. I just thought it was the way my body worked. I passed out easily, my mom had when she was younger, so I just tried to focus, and knew when I started blacking out, that I'd need to sit down for a bit. I'd be in the middle of important presentations and take a knee, "I called it getting serious and on their level" in reality I couldn't see the audience and if I didn't take a knee I'd be on the floor...but on my back. This got worse at the end of my junior year when I realized I was allergic to milk and eggs, so I stopped eating as much, because everything I ate, made me severely sick, so I ate like a bird, a little bit of banana, a little bit of bread. On the other hand, I lost a good deal of weight, about 15 pounds in a summer, I went from 128, to about 115, and was getting compliments left and right about how good I looked, even though I felt terrible.
Getting those compliments became a backhanded compliment, I knew it's not what I normally looked like, so I appreciated the extra love, but it also gave me an intense desire to keep my weight down. In college when I left home I was able to take my food into my own hands, I always ate, but I didn't eat much, and with how much I was doing in college, the fades happened just as often. I figured it was just a part of life. I struggled that year with my weight as I figured out what I could eat, then I could eat more of it, I never skipped a meal, but I ate like a bird, this time on purpose. With help from my friends and family at college I became much better at eating, (I also had to refocus my mind that I could eat more things, and that I wasn't restricted like before) I put on a few pounds, which helped somewhat with the fades.
I married the love of my life in August 2009, and we moved in together, we started making our own food so I ate more often, and had less near pass out experiences, (unless I didn't drink enough water before dance practice, but those are my fault). We ate a lot of cereal, sandwiches and chicken helper (heck, we still do), and I hit my highest 140 lbs, I felt awkward and strange, after being 115 at one point, and now having the extra weight, I didn't feel right. After college we moved around, and then came to Hawaii for the Air Force, I met some ladies here in a group called "Change Your Life", I weighed 134, which is about average for someone my height. I joined CYL because 1. I wanted to eat better, and 2. I wanted to look better in my tail and tone up. They have us join a site called myfitnesspal.com what I found shocked me. I'm a fairly active person when I'm actually on the go, what I found out was that I was running on 300 calories a day. Your body is supposed to run on about 1,200-2,000 depending on a few things. After talking to my nutritionist, we agreed on 1,200, but I was a little below that.
Here's the kicker, I had no idea. I wasn't losing any weight, but I had a consistent case of the fades, especially when I'd work with kids all day, and I just felt lethargic. I found out that I was eating about 700-1000 calories a day, but I would also do Zumba and a walk at night. Zumba burns about 600 calories, and the walks I do would burn about 150. Do the math. You know that song, "Running on Empty"...yeah. What you are actually supposed to do is eat back what you burn, through a snack, protein shake, chicken, etc. So that your body burns what you eat, and runs on the rest. When you run on 300-500 calories or less a day you are putting your body into starvation mode, which leads to sometimes weight gain, lethargy, the fades, and other symptoms. I had thought it was the way I just was by nature, or that I wasn't getting enough sleep, I was eating a bunch (so I had thought), but my body needed more.
I am not anorexic, ask anyone, I love my food, especially my girl scout thin mints. For the past two weeks I have been on myfitnesspal.com if you want to friend me on it, my id is AmberRoseJane I have ate more in one day than I could think possible, I've kept my fairly same portions, but I have 4 times more snacks, vegetables, fruits, and meats, and balance out my workouts with food. I have also lost 6 pounds, which is exciting for me, because then I look a little better in my tail. The difference here, is that I'm toning up, and doing it in a healthy way, once I started eating MORE (who'd have thought) my body's metabolism started back up and I about hit the weight that someone my size as a moderately active person should be at.
I'm not posting this to point out, Oh Aj lost weight, or anything like that, but that sometimes when you have symptoms even for YEARS, it could be your body telling you something is wrong, I had no idea, I ate all of the time, but I was not eating enough, and my body was suffering the consequences. I thought counting calories was ridiculous for the longest time, I made food at my house, and just told friends to add 1,000 (not nice I know), but now that I'm aware of calories (not counting every single one, but most of them) my life has taken a 180, I have more energy, I'm up at like 7 am every morning just because I'm ready to go, I'm not passing out, or having the fades, I'm toned up, and I feel fantastic.
I do NOT like the super health food every calorie counts be super on top of it idea, however I had no idea that just being aware like I am now could change my life as much as it has. I encourage you to love on those around you today. You could have no idea if their bodies are sending them clues, or if they are struggling with something like food, or emotions. I hope this has helped someone feel less guilty about their food habits, so they can talk to someone, or inspired to check out what their food is doing to them.
Love and blessings,
Aj
Friday, January 18, 2013
Tattoos and Me
So, as most of you know, I just got two more tattoos this week (don't worry, it came out of my fun account that I've been saving up for, not from any Christmas money) ;-)
So, I sent my tail back this week for rework, I've been dancing in Zumba a ton, and I've actually lost about 6 inches around my waist believe it or not, (not that I had much to lose, but it's lost now and I'm not stressing over finding it again). There were patches of silicone on the tail that were pooled up, so she had offered to fix it in January, so she's fixing that and taking it in for me, a gaping waist, doesn't help much with the realism that I try to portray as a mermaid ;-) So, while my tail was gone, I figured it was a solid time to get my feet done, so I didn't have any temptation to get into the water. My friend Billy (who portrays a merman at the hotel sometimes and just for fun) and I also decided to try our hands at making a tail.
Mine is going to be golden, shimmery red, copper, maybe purple or rich blue, I want it to look like it came out of a fire place, I'm super excited, so we're starting tomorrow, I have all the neoprene in my closet at the moment, I'm too nervous to start without him. He already made one tail, the one he has now, so he knows what he's doing, I totally don't. I also received my first order on Etsy for my signs which is exciting and fun!
Both were feet tattoos, which apparently hurt the worst, out of tattoo placements, feet, chest, and neck hurt the most I guess, I'll stick with my feet. The one on my left foot says "Be Brave and Dream", I was going to just get the word Brave, and then I was thinking it over, and I started typing and then I looked at what I typed it said Be Brave and Dream, and it clicked. I was like, 'yep, that's my tattoo', it's basically what I stand for in life, and felt right, so that's how that one happened.
The second one is my owl with rose colored glasses, I've been talking about this one for over a year now, and sitting on the idea, and mulling over placement. I decided on my foot, and got this one last night. It hurt a little worse than my other tattoos, this one was chalk full of color, so there was lots of going back over places that were already drawn on. After though? Whew, that was rough, because blood rushes to it when I stand up and walk around, so I'm currently gimpin it up. I'm at home now with my swollen little foot propped up on the couch. :-) She's adorable and I like her purple tips of her wings. :-) I need to come up with a good name, the glasses have this 1950's look to them that I just love.
Other than that, Ron and Adri come in less than a month! Super excited! We will be quite busy with them, and then after that Mermaiding will kick off again, I have 4 in February, and 6 already in March I think. :-) I've been getting some great reviews from people I've done parties with, it's exciting to know that I'm helping people make their children's dreams come true. The other day I was asked by a child if I had any pets, I told her in my under the sea home I had a pet sting ray named Bobby, who had lost his stinger because it was bitten off by a now rehabilitated shark named Scar because the shock and pain he received from biting off Bobby's stinger. Hilarious and awesome. Love my job. I also took part in a Zodiac photo shoot a week ago, I was Pisces hopefully I'll see some pictures soon and can post them!
That's all for now!
Much love my fellow adventurers!
Aj
 |
| This is Twig the Fairy's tail, but the color scheme is fantastic |
Mine is going to be golden, shimmery red, copper, maybe purple or rich blue, I want it to look like it came out of a fire place, I'm super excited, so we're starting tomorrow, I have all the neoprene in my closet at the moment, I'm too nervous to start without him. He already made one tail, the one he has now, so he knows what he's doing, I totally don't. I also received my first order on Etsy for my signs which is exciting and fun!Both were feet tattoos, which apparently hurt the worst, out of tattoo placements, feet, chest, and neck hurt the most I guess, I'll stick with my feet. The one on my left foot says "Be Brave and Dream", I was going to just get the word Brave, and then I was thinking it over, and I started typing and then I looked at what I typed it said Be Brave and Dream, and it clicked. I was like, 'yep, that's my tattoo', it's basically what I stand for in life, and felt right, so that's how that one happened.
Other than that, Ron and Adri come in less than a month! Super excited! We will be quite busy with them, and then after that Mermaiding will kick off again, I have 4 in February, and 6 already in March I think. :-) I've been getting some great reviews from people I've done parties with, it's exciting to know that I'm helping people make their children's dreams come true. The other day I was asked by a child if I had any pets, I told her in my under the sea home I had a pet sting ray named Bobby, who had lost his stinger because it was bitten off by a now rehabilitated shark named Scar because the shock and pain he received from biting off Bobby's stinger. Hilarious and awesome. Love my job. I also took part in a Zodiac photo shoot a week ago, I was Pisces hopefully I'll see some pictures soon and can post them!
That's all for now!
Much love my fellow adventurers!
Aj
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
52 Resolutions
So, I'm super bad at the resolution thing, and so there are 52 weeks, so I came up with 52 doable things that I can do this year to help make this year super awesome.
Hope you enjoy them!
- Try a new place to eat once a month
- Become better at sign language, and create a new sign song at least once a month
- Do regular cleanings once a week in the house
- Volunteer more often
- Do something cultural once a month
- Go see a live performance or show once a month
- Mermaid at least once a week
- work
out consistently 3 times a week
- Start
a Garden, even if they are just pots of
herbs outside
- Plant
flowers to attract butterflies/hummingbirds even if just in pots
- Learn
to Say No
- Carry
a notebook with me.
- Write
more.
- Get
out of my house more often
- Try a
new recipe a couple times a month
- Save
$ for a rainy day fund
- Create
my craft/sewing nook
- Create
backsplash for my kitchen.
- Host
a swap party with friends
- Learn
a new skill.
- Have
professional photos of the Mr. and I
- Girls
Night Out Once a Month
- Plant
a tree.
- Go to
a festival of some sort
- Write
a letter to at least one person a month
- Recycle!
- Hike
in a new place at least once a month
- Go to
a concert that I wouldn't normally go to.
- Take
a cooking class
- Read
12 new books
- Dress
to impress everyday. I am not going to save my "nice"
things for nice days. Everyday is going to be awesome!!
- Carry
a water bottle
- Sew a
dress
- Create
a mermaid tail
- Avoid
plastic. Use sustainable things!
- Have
a personal date (time for me) once a week.
- Be in
a parade
- New
bedding to make my bedroom the most comfortable it can be
- Record
kindness each week. How can I share kindness with strangers, or even
people I know
- Get
to know my neighbors.
- Drink
at least 30 oz. of water a day
- sunscreen
every day
- Watch
more documentaries
- Do
something from Pinterest each month
- Become
great at poi, and perform somewhere
- Go vegetarian for a month
- Have a date with the hubby once a week.
- Write thank you notes, even for the little things
- Finish reading the Bible
- Do a professional photo shoot
- Go sky diving or parasailing, or both
- Live more in the present.
Love,
Aj
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