Dear Family and Friends:
I have no idea who needs to hear this story. I don't know if they'll hear it today, tomorrow or in 5 years, but I woke up this morning with an intense need to write this story in my blog, and usually if it's an intense need I figure it probably comes from God (unless it's that intense need to sit out of cardio kick boxing, then I know that's just me being lazy)
It's not a sad story by any means, but it might help someone else.
*Disclaimer: I talk about weight, food, and how they have affected my life, this isn't saying my journey is better or worse than anyone elses, I just felt the need to share*
As you go through life your body adjusts in ways to correct itself, to keep going. You hear of the child who spent 5 hours in frigid water, but is still alive, the lady who didn't eat anything for weeks and stayed alive, you get the idea. My story is nothing to those extremes (although, one wonders if it's lacking something, as it seems some of the best stories have an arc as big as the on in st. louis). Growing up I passed out, all the time. It started in 5th grade at our track and field meet, it was my last run and as I was going around the track everything started going fuzzy and black and then all of a sudden I woke up on the ground. Had no idea how I got there, but I was surrounded by people checking to make sure I was okay. (Apparently my heart stopped for a minute as well, but that's another story).
We went to the doctor and he said I was just growing too fast for my body, over the next 6 years this continued, even leading to me eating extra snacks during different classes in high school so I wouldn't pass out after school at dance team practice, or show choir practice, or one of the hundred different groups I was involved in. I thought I was hypoglycemic, I was tested for diabetes, and other things. I'd call it the fades, everything would fade out a little bit over a period of two minutes, it made sense. I just thought it was the way my body worked. I passed out easily, my mom had when she was younger, so I just tried to focus, and knew when I started blacking out, that I'd need to sit down for a bit. I'd be in the middle of important presentations and take a knee, "I called it getting serious and on their level" in reality I couldn't see the audience and if I didn't take a knee I'd be on the floor...but on my back. This got worse at the end of my junior year when I realized I was allergic to milk and eggs, so I stopped eating as much, because everything I ate, made me severely sick, so I ate like a bird, a little bit of banana, a little bit of bread. On the other hand, I lost a good deal of weight, about 15 pounds in a summer, I went from 128, to about 115, and was getting compliments left and right about how good I looked, even though I felt terrible.
Getting those compliments became a backhanded compliment, I knew it's not what I normally looked like, so I appreciated the extra love, but it also gave me an intense desire to keep my weight down. In college when I left home I was able to take my food into my own hands, I always ate, but I didn't eat much, and with how much I was doing in college, the fades happened just as often. I figured it was just a part of life. I struggled that year with my weight as I figured out what I could eat, then I could eat more of it, I never skipped a meal, but I ate like a bird, this time on purpose. With help from my friends and family at college I became much better at eating, (I also had to refocus my mind that I could eat more things, and that I wasn't restricted like before) I put on a few pounds, which helped somewhat with the fades.
I married the love of my life in August 2009, and we moved in together, we started making our own food so I ate more often, and had less near pass out experiences, (unless I didn't drink enough water before dance practice, but those are my fault). We ate a lot of cereal, sandwiches and chicken helper (heck, we still do), and I hit my highest 140 lbs, I felt awkward and strange, after being 115 at one point, and now having the extra weight, I didn't feel right. After college we moved around, and then came to Hawaii for the Air Force, I met some ladies here in a group called "Change Your Life", I weighed 134, which is about average for someone my height. I joined CYL because 1. I wanted to eat better, and 2. I wanted to look better in my tail and tone up. They have us join a site called myfitnesspal.com what I found shocked me. I'm a fairly active person when I'm actually on the go, what I found out was that I was running on 300 calories a day. Your body is supposed to run on about 1,200-2,000 depending on a few things. After talking to my nutritionist, we agreed on 1,200, but I was a little below that.
Here's the kicker, I had no idea. I wasn't losing any weight, but I had a consistent case of the fades, especially when I'd work with kids all day, and I just felt lethargic. I found out that I was eating about 700-1000 calories a day, but I would also do Zumba and a walk at night. Zumba burns about 600 calories, and the walks I do would burn about 150. Do the math. You know that song, "Running on Empty"...yeah. What you are actually supposed to do is eat back what you burn, through a snack, protein shake, chicken, etc. So that your body burns what you eat, and runs on the rest. When you run on 300-500 calories or less a day you are putting your body into starvation mode, which leads to sometimes weight gain, lethargy, the fades, and other symptoms. I had thought it was the way I just was by nature, or that I wasn't getting enough sleep, I was eating a bunch (so I had thought), but my body needed more.
I am not anorexic, ask anyone, I love my food, especially my girl scout thin mints. For the past two weeks I have been on myfitnesspal.com if you want to friend me on it, my id is AmberRoseJane I have ate more in one day than I could think possible, I've kept my fairly same portions, but I have 4 times more snacks, vegetables, fruits, and meats, and balance out my workouts with food. I have also lost 6 pounds, which is exciting for me, because then I look a little better in my tail. The difference here, is that I'm toning up, and doing it in a healthy way, once I started eating MORE (who'd have thought) my body's metabolism started back up and I about hit the weight that someone my size as a moderately active person should be at.
I'm not posting this to point out, Oh Aj lost weight, or anything like that, but that sometimes when you have symptoms even for YEARS, it could be your body telling you something is wrong, I had no idea, I ate all of the time, but I was not eating enough, and my body was suffering the consequences. I thought counting calories was ridiculous for the longest time, I made food at my house, and just told friends to add 1,000 (not nice I know), but now that I'm aware of calories (not counting every single one, but most of them) my life has taken a 180, I have more energy, I'm up at like 7 am every morning just because I'm ready to go, I'm not passing out, or having the fades, I'm toned up, and I feel fantastic.
I do NOT like the super health food every calorie counts be super on top of it idea, however I had no idea that just being aware like I am now could change my life as much as it has. I encourage you to love on those around you today. You could have no idea if their bodies are sending them clues, or if they are struggling with something like food, or emotions. I hope this has helped someone feel less guilty about their food habits, so they can talk to someone, or inspired to check out what their food is doing to them.
Love and blessings,
Aj
