I'm selfish and I'm okay with that.

So I've recently decided (although I've suspected for a while) that I'm selfish...and I'm okay with that.
I have two dogs, and taking care of two dogs is more work than not having any, especially with mermaiding, crafting, and starbucking, as well as being a wife from a far, and sole charge of the house.
I would love to have children. Hopefully someday maybe we will have children. Jeremy will make a great dad, I think I'd make if not a good mom, then at least an interesting one. However I'm not ready to give up my late nights with my girl friends, and quiet time when I need it, the ability to sleep in as long or as little as I'd like (spare from work). I'm selfish in that I want to mermaid until I'm sure that my toes will never be the same (I already have some permanent scaring). I want to be able to spend more time with my husband before sharing him and our time with someone else, who will need more than I will sometimes feel I am capable of giving.
I don't know all that is involved in being a mom, I'm not sure all moms do, but I know that it takes selflessness, and time, and courage, and the understanding that life will never be the same. We are in Hawaii and have the ability to travel (as long as we can get a pet sitter), having dogs has taught me a lot, and one of them is that I'm not ready yet for kids. Arranging for someone to let the dogs out is hard enough sometimes, but child care, and not working, or working part time is a huge obstacle. When you have kids they become the third most important thing in your life (after God and husband...still working on my priorities...still haven't gotten that down yet). I want to be able to keep living relatively care free, and if that makes me selfish than so be it. I'm okay with waiting, sometimes I see a ridiculously cute baby and I wish and pray that I'm pregnant and then I see a crazy-on-crack baby (Not actually a crack baby, but just a loud screaming baby), and then I tell Jer we are waiting another 10 years. :-)

Many people are supportive of Jeremy and me and whatever we decide, but I recently came to this understanding, and I think it's a valid representation of how I feel, and not a bad thing at all. I would love to have children right now, we are relatively financially able to have children (are you ever really ready?), and we are stable in our marriage, but it comes down to the fact that I'm not done having fun and being able to do things on my own time schedule.

Disclaimer: I have many friends who have children and have amazing lives, and do tons of cool things. Just for me at the moment, there are still many things I want to do before having children and focusing on raising a little one with as much glitter and awesomeness and fairy/mermaid skills as possible.

Just thought I'd share,
Love,
The selfish one who will eventually raise children in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and delicious food and crafts.

Day 3 of Deployment

This is my first deployment. I don't count Basic or Tech School because I was travelling and always doing things. I am in a house, with my two dogs. Crafting, working, eating, and sleeping.
I don't know how this deployment is going to go, and I'm nervous.
I don't know what I'm going to find out about myself and my new skills I'll need to cultivate.
I don't know what he is going to experience over there.
I'm not sure I know how I'm processing. At the current moment I feel a little numb which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it is strange thinking that he's going to come home, or I'm going to come home to him and him not being here. I also have to remember to get someone to walk the dogs while I'm at work, which is important, our carpet is not their bathroom. :)

Prayers for the Smit family will be greatly appreciated. It's a short deployment, and for that I feel quite blessed.. I'm not really looking forward to the holidays except for the fact that no husband in the house means I can put up my Christmas tree whenever I want, and keep it up for as long as I want. (Grandma you did not read that). EDIT: (I have been invited to like 4 different Christmas' around Hawaii, so I will be doing something positive and with people that day, so no worries). But I'm looking into some cool holiday activities to give back and serve, I might also get roped into working since he's gone. I'm not sure, so we'll see how everything rolls out. I have really amazing friends, and they are awesome, and I have a great church as well here. Plus with my new starbucks job I'll be staying busy. All those drinks are really hard to memorize, but I really like working there, I had to taste like 10 different drinks the other day, I named my Frappachino baby 'Charlie' :-)
Today I am cleaning and working on more signs and studying for my barista exam, I also woke up a little late to go to my favorite church...but they do live STREAM! So, I'm going to 'church' in my PJ's today.

That's pretty much it at the moment, weather is nice, there was an awesome thunderstorm the other day, and my hair is growing out, I can put the lower half in a super small pony tail....good feeling.

Love you all,
Aj

New Tail and update!

Me in my new tail, and Mermaid Storm in my old one!

So I realized what a slacker I've been in not posting a picture of my new tail up on here yet.
Sorry, it's been a while.
I've been working on quite a few things.
1. Mermaid Parties, I've been doing about 4-6 a month, and so it's going really well, and word is spreading, and it's just a blast. Especially when they feel your tail and are like, 'You ARE REAL!!' Super cool. Love what I do.

Photoshoot in my new tail with Brandy Britton Photography.

2. Getting ready for Fall Craft fair, there are currently about 40 boards on my dining room table that I am painting, cleaning, writing, and markering. It's a lot. I hope to have at least 120 signs ready, I currently have about 32...I have 3 weeks to get the rest done. Wish me luck voyagers.

First photoshoot in new tail and mertop with Saphire Memories

3. Expanding my mermaid business with Mermaid Storm and trying to create some cool partnerships, which is exciting and makes me nervous at the same time.
4. Create new dishes for dinner and just generally be a better kick butt wife. Things I made for the first time in September: Burgers, Chili, chicken and zucchini rollatini, GOOD potato soup (I always screw it up) and more. It's delish. I found this website called, www.skinnytaste.com it is filled with AMAZING recipies that taste amazing and they are easy. My fav.
5. My new job as a barista at Starbucks (super stoked). The people there are amazing and I love what Starbucks stands for...and I get a good discount....:-)
6. Spending time with the hubby, and prepping for the next couple months to come with me and the dogs.

With Brandy again. Super cool.

7.Spending time with my friends, lots of line dancing, which my midwestern blood just loves. I have awesome friends here, I was having a bad day the other day, and Dee came over and brought me a rainbow cupcake. I really can't ask for anything else. Solid people. And they like having fun, no drama and wine. It's a pretty solid deal we've created. Also we trade clothes like it's our job, especially with the airman's attic, we've all owned clothes that the other has donated. It's quite hilarious and actually happened last night at dinner.

One of my favorites. 

8. Reading! I've been reading Onward by Howard the ceo of Starbucks, quite good, you should read it.

Headshot we used!!

10. Working out. I've grown fond of this work out class called power pump and it's weight lifting and I love it.

11. Photoshoots, and lots of them. With my tail and without. I actually was signed as an actress to a talent company! I did two jobs, and so hopefully, now that I got my headshots done I can book more! It's a lot of fun.
That is pretty much it for now, I have three parties this weekend, a surprise appearance at Hickam Beach tomorrow, and a giant friend group date with 6 couples tomorrow. It's going to be a great weekend, right after I run a couple errands today. :-)
Love you all,
Just keep swimming,
(PS. Little Mermaid just came out on Blu-Ray, and they are making a Finding Nemo 2, called Finding Dory, just thought you should know)
Aj
Also, my friend redid my website, check it out, (click on the purple address below) and tell me what you think! www.mermaidharmony.com