God's Fairytale...Adventures Ahoy

              The hardest thing to do is rely on God.  We say it so easily, and spontaneously, of course we rely on God, what else would we rely on.  I don't think I've truly understood relying on God until today.  I recieved a short phone call from Jeremy explaining some things that may mean I may not see him when I first planned on seeing him in a few weeks, but would be able to at some point at a later date.  My heart plummeted and I felt like someone had stabbed me clean through with a burning sword.   I love my husband with all my heart, and I've trusted God with him and his safety. I've also prayed for God to help me rely on HIM more, and to learn to walk in God's great adventure, be careful what you pray for.

When Jer and I had our wedding it was beautiful, so many things I loved about it, and still do.  I believe my favorite part (or one of them) was what the sermon and our hearts were about, the adventure of marriage and going after God.  We knew it would not be easy.  God does not promise you a relationship of light rolling hills and nice spring flowers.  A walk with God is filled with mountains, craggy passes, bubbling brooks, rainstorms, rainbows, and valleys. 
It's filled with everything.  I'm reading a book right now called The Sacred Romance, it is about finding a romance with God and how HE wants to take you on a fairy tale with ups and downs to fufill your life. It also talks about arrows in our life that we believe, that we are not pretty enough, or that God doesn't care, or that God will abandon us.  To be honest, the last is something that scares the daylights out of me. I'm terrified to be alone, terrified that believing in romance and God is going to let me down.  Throughout the Bible you see God say, "I will not abandon you, I will protect you".  But look at how often things get mighty close, Abraham and Isaac with a father holding a knife above his son, or Job and all his aflictions, he loses his entire family and everything he owns.  Terrifying.  God allowed it, but God also redeemed it.  Sometimes I ask God for a supporting role, please don't put me in Job's main character shoes, I don't know if I could handle it.

What does God have around the corner...

I have no idea what God wants of me, I've been seeing bits and pieces of what I believe is my calling in the last few months, and as I work to discover more of God's heart I realize that God is not a nice guy sitting in a tree.  Nor is he a fire and brimstone guy.  What God is or what he does is creates a story that will speak and ignite our heart and display his glory. 
We all know the fairytale ending, Jesus wins. I just have to keep my hands on the reins and trust that God knows what he's doing, even though there are rikety bridges, scary witches, and distances to cross that seem they will take a lifetime. Falling in love is scary, falling in love with the King of the Universe and realizing what an adventure you got yourself into is terrifying. 

Dressed and ready for our adventure...superman and sparkle :-)

What I need to remember is that God is not done with my story.  He is not done with Jeremy's story.  Everything is happening for a reason, and God is going to mold us and shape us into beautiful arrows that he can use. 
To the adventures God puts us in,
Aj
Edit: Talked to Jeremy tonight, and we are solid on the graduation date. :-) Also he picked our bases, 4 in England, 1 in Italy, 1 in Japan, and 2 in Colorado.  I'm kind of fingers crossing for Italy or Japan, although I'm way game for any of them.

Knitting, poi, and letters

Today I'm at Kelsey's house in Denver, it is a beautiful day and we already went for a walk this morning.  She has a pretty little hound named Frodo, and believe it or not I'm not dying from allergies. I way approve, but don't want to jinx anything. :-)
We get along great though, this morning I slept in a bit (only till 830) and Frodo crashed in the bed last night, and when Kelsey left she put him in the kennel, so I got him out and he came up and cuddled right up to me.  Sigh...dogs are definitely in our future soon.  Kelsey and I found a California Pizza Kitchen last night and got some super veggie pizza, it was pretty intense veggie wise but pretty good, I liked it.
           Received a letter last week from Jeremy which was quite exciting, my morning had been a little rough since I kept smacking myself with the poi in the face, and ear, and eye, and thigh, and back, it got a little ridiculous actually. So I angrily walked inside, grabbed a glass of wine, mixed it with apple juice, (I know I'm weird), sat on the kitchen floor while listening to some relaxing music and tears just streamed down my face.  I missed Jeremy, I was sore, I was frustrated, and I was in a new place.  After I had my glass of wine, I had a wonderful talk with Aunt Holly, who is, just fantastic. I love her to bits, she is an amazing, strong, and passionate woman who excels at what she puts her mind to. Love it.

tools of the trade

 After our chat, I discovered that I had a letter in the mail :-).  Love getting mail, even better is mail from your husband who is miles and miles away that you won't see for another month in a half, totally made my day.  Later that night we went to a cabaret show, and it was fantastic.  Jeremy is doing well, he is Dorm Chief and he's getting along quite well.  They had to spend 3 hours changing sheets getting them perfect...good thing it's not me in BASIC, I don't think I could handle it.  I'm so proud of him. He's a good cookie.
I've also been sending him letters covered in glitter stickers and crayons, just something to make him smile.  Got to have SOME glitter in BASIC right?

Other than that, I've been working on poi and my mad knitting skills. :-) I'm actually getting fairly decent, it's exciting.  Tonight Kelsey and I are going to grab some cupcakes from Fat Cupcake Bakery, and then we are going swimming.  I did Ab Ripper X today, so I figure it's okay if I eat a cupcake (heck, it's ALWAYS okay to eat a cupcake).

Way nice to see Kelsey as I haven't seen her since we've left Africa (she's the one I took the week long road trip up to Durban).  I'm having a nice time, and enjoying seeing people that I don't get to see that often.  Right now I have my letters, and I'm sending my love in letters, and spending time with God.  I'm exploring who I am and who God is to me, and I'm excited to see Jeremy in May to share everything I've learned with him.
Life is good, God is great, and I need to go grab my cupcake!
Love you all,

Amber Jane

Denver, Colorado...I think I'm in love

I think I'm falling in love, with Denver, Colorado.  There are so many things to do here and the people and culture and just allover atmosphere is intoxicating. It's just beautiful. There's little shops and fun places, and art is everywhere.  I'ts also nice outside, which is good, because then I can go outside and practice poi and such, although today I practiced for 30 minutes and kept hitting myself and I was so angry I was quite possibly red in the face.  I'm usually good at everything I put my mind to, but this is taking more work, at least some of the harder moves, I knew it was coming, but when you are bad at things you usually just press on, but with this, when your bad, you have two balls of rice smacking you to remind you over and over and over and over again.  It gets old fast.  However, I want to get better, so I'm pressing on. :-) I'm really enjoying my time with Aunt Holly and Tristan, they have a really cool bond, and I'm just getting to know them on another level and it's been awesome.
   I've been able to talk to Jeremy on the phone a few times, he's doing well, Dorm Chief so he has lots of responsibilities but from the sounds of it, he's getting a hang of it.  He is a great leader in our marriage and I'm sure he's being a great leader for them as well.
Anyways, I'm just trying to take in everything, and enjoy my time here while I can.  Although I can tell you that I'll be fighting along with Jeremy now to come back to live in Denver one day.
I hope you all have a grand day.
Love,
Am